Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us...

~Hebrews 12:1

The Cloud of Witnesses

I was 22 years old when my best friend died unexpectedly. Up until then, I had only experienced the deaths of older relatives, people I really hadn't known in the prime of their lives. This death, of course, was different. Carrie and I had been inseparable, and she was full of youthful exuberance with hopes and dreams for the future just like mine. Then, suddenly, she was gone. In the days that followed, even in my extreme shock and distress over her death, I experienced moments of clarity in which two ideas crystalized for me: first, that if I were lucky enough to live a long life, I would have to endure the painful loss of loved ones many times over; and second, that now that one of my beloveds had gone before me, I no longer feared death if it meant that I would be reunited with her and all those I loved.

Over the past couple of years, motivated by an interest in working as a death doula, I have spent time dipping my toe into the death and dying community in Austin. If the term "death doula" is unfamiliar to you, it can help to think of it in terms of what a birth doula does. Just as a birth doula provides informational, practical, emotional, and physical support to parents before, during, and after the birth of a baby, a death doula provides similar support during the end of life transition. Although many people, especially in modern American culture, tend to shy away from discussions about the realities of death and dying, the mission of a death doula is to face these concerns head-on, talking frankly and openly with the dying person and their family about end of life and, hopefully, easing fear and uncertainty about the process. 

Of course, none of us who are still living can say for certain what happens at that moment of transition. In her book, What Matters Most: Lessons the Dying Teach Us About Living, death doula Diana Button talks about her experiences with clients at the end of their lives, and refers to dying as "the next great mystery."

Although she says that the details and circumstances of a person's death are as unique as the individuals themselves, one common thread has stood out: at or shortly before their final transition, her clients will often reach out for deceased family members or call out their names. Bearing witness to these events, she says, has convinced her that we'll all be greeted and "carried over the threshold" by loved ones who've gone before us. “I see it so much. I see people are smiling, and I can see the peace come over people when this happens,” she says in an interview with Today health reporter A. Pawlowki. "To me, it's maybe the most profound part of my work… It brings me an amazing amount of comfort and peace.”

Since that terrible day more than 30 years ago when Carrie died, I have, as I predicted, experienced the loss of more loved ones. Both of my parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, dear friends, and acquaintances have left this world of the living. Although those losses were far from easy, and there really was no way to fully prepare for them, I have felt a similar sense of peace in believing that they have prepared the way for me, and that, when my times comes, I'll be welcomed by them with open arms into that great cloud of witnesses.